Was looking back at my post about my next assignment and thought I'd expand.

We all have free will. It's part of our human condition. We're given the opportunity to investigate (or not) weigh options, and make choices.

What I didn't discuss in my previous post was the condition in which I was in. And I wasn't 'in' anything. I was really out of it... Living in my own little world.

It's not that I didn't care about anything or anyone, but I think I expected everything to be very clear to me. This theory was very evident in how I handled school. I understood most of the subjects. But there were a few where I had a terrible time grasping the logic. One was statistics. I didn't have much instruction on it, but it was just enough for me to decide that I didn't want to learn. It was a portion of another class, a quality control class I think, so there was enough other material for me to regurgitate and get a decent grade. It probably wasn't a conscious decision at the time, but I see now that when I had trouble learning something, I did just enough to get by and promptly forgot about it.

The sad thing is that the same practice translated into my marriage. I didn't, and still don't, understand a lot about my wife. She had a very different childhood than I did, went to a different school, and had an entirely different family structure. Some time during our marriage, I think I subconsciously made the decision to do just enough to get by, because I didn't really understand. If I don't understand something, how can I expand on it and improve it?

What does this have to do with free will?

Even if I didn't consciously think it, I still made the choice to slack off. That wasn't God's doing. But He did see it. And eventually provided that big push to get me off my ass. And He made it painful just so I wouldn't forget. At the time I didn't think I had any choice in the matter, but I did. I could have just left.

God equips us. Gives us the strength and grace to get through life. We do have choices to make, decisions to ponder, bridges to cross. And I believe, for the most part, God lets us go our merry way. I also believe that the everyday choices we make matter a whole lot less to Him than we might think, as long as we do it with a conscious and educated thought process guided by what He wants us to do. So often my little pea-brain sees only a few options, even though I suspect there are far more available to me.

Like tomorrow. We've decided to get out of town for the day and go see something new. Does it really matter, as far as living a Godly life is concerned, with where we eventually end up? Probably not. Does it really matter that I graduated college? Probably not.

So as far as giving myself the due I deserve. I may be due the due...but as far as anything that actually matters, I certainly couldn't have done it without God.

Fried day 5

1. When you come home from a long day of whatever it is you do and your brain is totally fried, what therapy do you normally seek? - Usually playing with my girls helps. Innocence is very refreshing. Of course...they're not always innocent, in which case I go take a shower.

2. Of the myriad of desserts made primarily of fried dough, what is your favorite? - Well, it would be donuts if we were talking about breakfast. But for desert, a good oliebollen is very nice.3. Most fried foods are best right out of the fryer, but what’s a fried food that you enjoy cold? - See above. Although they get a little tough the longer they sit out.

4. What’s the most unusual deep-fried food you’ve ever tried? - I guess it's not so unusual, but I love me some fried calamari.5. Where can you get really good French fries? - Out of a bulk frozen bag and fried until very crispy in my own fryer. I only like crispy fries. Nobody likes a floppy....fry.

1st assignment update

So I decided to talk about the 'discovery' topic in my Dale Carnegie class. Wasn't even 3 sentences into it and the instructor interrupted me. Normally I can handle that and can improve fairly well. I think my problem was that I decided at the last minute that I wasn't as well prepared as I thought I was.

I normally don't have problems speaking in front of crowds. I'd been performing at piano recitals and choir performances through most of my adolescent years. Even had a few solos. But one thing that occurred to me last week is the amount of preparation that goes into musical performances. It's hours and hours and hours of practicing just to spend those few moments in front of a crowd. I have never put that much effort into a speech. Even through college when we had to give presentations. I'd jot down a few notes and wing it. And I usually did well. Certainly never failed.

Holly cow did I feel like I failed. I'm certain it was more my feeling than any actual failure, but that doesn't really make it better.

Next week is coming. Our assignment is another talk about something we've accomplished. I already know exactly what I'm going to talk about....

Nothing.

It's not that I've never accomplished anything. It's just that anything worth talking about hasn't been from me. You might think my choice to stick it out with my wife is an accomplishment...and it is...but it wasn't from me. It was entirely God's doing.

What about my kids? Hey! I successfully had sex. At least 3 times!

As far as raising them? Any patience I have doesn't come from me. It's God. I've always had feelings and practical actions of love towards them, but again, it's entirely founded on the grace of God.

Graduating college? Huh. Someone else paid tuition and I showed up to class. Yippee. Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot and enjoyed it. But it was just something to do.

My biggest accomplishment...that didn't even come from me...was realizing how inept I really am. God granted me His grace. It took an emotional crisis for me to get to the point of receiving it. All of it was orchestrated by God. I had no other choice. Thank God.

Dale Carnegie, 1st assignment, and it's a duzy.

As disjointed as the previous post was, I thought I better replace it quickly.

I went to my Dale Carnegie class on Monday night. It was ok. Kinda the same thing as other development classes but promises some good practical skill development to come. They did an excersize to help us learn and remember names. Haven't had much of a chance to practice but I think it will help.

One of our first assignments, due next Monday, is to develop and give a 2 minute talk about a defining moment in our lives. At first, the only one I could think of was when I found out my wife was cheating on me. That particular moment kind of eclipses all other potential moments. It's a very personal topic though. Very personal. So I'm still debating about whether or not to go with that one.

There are a couple of other moments that have since come to mind. I'll give a quick synopsis of each and maybe you guys can help me? There not anywhere near as defining as the one mentioned above, but maybe I can still fill 2 minutes.

Back in 2004, we were living in our first home as a family. It was a very small house, right on a busy street, and it had a pool in the back yard. Our oldest, G, was 2 years old and I think our next was on her way. The backyard was all concrete and pool and a section of the patio was separated from the pool by a short wooden fence. The fence was very dilapidated and needed replacing. I took a Saturday and got most of the fence replaced, but didn't get entirely finished. That Saturday night, some friend of ours stopped by to check it out. We walked out of the house through the sliding door and for some reason, all of us came back in through the garage. Well, my friends left and I was home with G. Her mom was away somewhere doing something. So after we said goodby to our friends, I set G up with the movie she wanted to watch and went to check my email in the back room. I sat there for maybe 10-15 minutes and noticed how quiet it had gotten. I got up, walked into the living room and didn't see G. I very quickly put 2 & 2 together, ran through the still open sliding door and found G laying face up in the pool, face out of the water, with her diaper quickly becoming saturated and starting to pull her down. I pulled her out and just held her for a little bit, took her inside, cleaned her up and got her ready for bed. She was absolutely exhausted. (Weird thing was that my office window was open, directly facing the pool, and I never heard her go into the pool. I think she walked in and started trying to swim.)

The thing about this one is that I can't really say it defined me in any specific way. Of course I finished fixing that fence at about 1 am that night, and could harldy hold a nail straight, but we had always been very careful with the kids around the pool.

The only other moment that I can think of was during an English composition class in college. We had written papers that were to be peer reviewed. We were sitting in small groups, having read the other papers, and the girl that was critiquing mine said, "You write like you think. You need to write more like you read." I had never thought of it that way. My thinking is terribly disorganized. I reread my paper, with her comment echoing in my mind, and it made perfect sense. The topic didn't flow at all, it jumped around, just like my thoughts do.

I know it's a very simple event, but in a way, it did more to define me than that crisis with G. I've always remembered it and try to apply what I learned from it every time I write.

Of course there are some others you might think of. My wedding. The days my daughters came into the world. Graduations. But I can't honestly say that any of those events changed me in any profound way. (I was pretty dull back then, still am, but hopefully not as much.) I'm sure they did to some extent, but comparing them to that first event mentioned, they pale in comparison.

So what do you guys think? I actually think I'm ok with sharing that first event with total strangers. (Maybe that'll change once I get up there...) I'm pretty much guaranteed to fill the 2 minutes and maybe, just maybe, it would encourage someone to examine their own marriage. But would it be too uncomfortable a topic? I wouldn't want someone to just stop listening because of that.

Bound to Happen

Well, apparently writing my wish not to didn't prevent it...had to lay off 4 guys yesterday.

I've been in a management position for a little more than 3 years now. One year at my previous employer and two here. Back in CA I was promoted just as the housing market crashed. Before I 'took office', they had just gone through at least 2 rounds of layoff, cutting their production force down from about 150 to 75 or so. During the year I was production manager, we went through 2 more rounds. When I left, there were around 30 production employees. So within 1.5 years, they dropped from 150 to 30 production employees. An 80% decrease.

When I started at my current job, I had 24 direct production employees, 1 yardman, 4 delivery drivers, a production foreman, and a delivery foreman. Right now, I have 10 direct, 4 drivers/yardmen, a production foreman and no delivery foreman. A 50% decrease.

I have no major aspirations for running a huge production facility. If I can't do a good job with the 15 guys I have now, how in the world would I do a good job with a lot more? Of course, I think it would be a lot easier to do a good job if we had enough work to go around....but apparently that's not going to happen right now.

Here's an old shot of the plant. All those boxes in the foreground aren't there anymore.

Too-Friendly Furry

So I had a little visitor to my office this morning. (Not this exact one, the real one was too quick for my camera..)

I wondered if this was the same one that severely violated my personal space last year.

I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business mind you, and I felt a tickle on my left thigh. It was slightly more tickly than the usually 'tied-hairs' tickle or 'loose thread' tickle. Rubbed it a little and promptly forgot about it.

I sat there for at least 10 minutes. Nothing weird happening.

Tickle Tickle.

What was that?! I stood up and something shot out my right pants leg so quickly I barely saw it. Couldn't even tell what it was.

I was actually thinking, "Boy, I hope that was a mouse." We'd been seeing a lot of salamanders at the time and actually decided that I'd rather have a mouse in my pants than a salamander. I finally decided that salamanders just weren't that quick.

Not that I prefer either, but hey...if I had to choose.

So before you get started, I'm going to preempt some comments:

"Did you at least send it flowers?"

"So, she's been the only one to get in your pants lately, huh?"

"Later that day the mouse was talking to his friends, "You wouldn't believe what I saw today! Weirdest looking mouse you could imagine!"

Amazing Race Runners

Who would you run the Amazing Race with?

I would probably pick my dad. While he's not overly traveled, he is more than me. He's at least been to Mexico and Switzerland, while I've been to Ensanada...which barely counts as Mexico. Neither of us are very athletic either, but between the both of us, I think we could take care of whatever we need to get done. We'd both be pretty good at fighting through the pain.

While we don't really have first hand experience at it, I think we would get along well under stress like that. Or well enough anyway. I don't think either of us would try to dominate unless the other just didn't have a clue. That's probably the biggest reason I wouldn't pick a lot of other people.

So who would you run the Amazing Race with?