How do you define yourself?

Is it by how people perceive you? Or how you perceive yourself?

I know, I know, it's the 'independent' thing to say "No one defines me! I don't care what people think! I'm a self-defined person!"

But really. How do you process what people think of you? Even self-made people don't want to make enemies, annoy people, or come across as a jerk. So I think it really does matter what people think. It matters a lot to me anyway.

This topic stems from the discussions I've had with my wife. I try very hard to listen and evaluate what she says to me and take it for what it is.

We went to a counselor together for a short time earlier this year. Part of the program included us completing a "disposition" survey. We filled out one as we look at ourselves, then another as we see our spouse. I found it very enlightening. It was interesting to see that my view of me and my wife's view of me were very similar. Her's was a little more extreme, but they followed the same pattern.

On the other hand, my view of my wife and her view of herself didn't track together at all. I'm not qualified to say that means anything, but I thought it was very interesting.

I'm learning that it's more important to consider what my audience hears than what I actually say. What I say is important, but I need to receive and process their feedback as effectively as I can and adjust my message accordingly. I'm working on that in my marriage as well as with my employees and coworkers. I take my wife's feedback a little more personally though. Hers can be very direct and blunt sometimes.

I also try the "repeat it back" thing. Where she says something, I repeat it back as I understood her, and she tells me if I got it right. More often than not, I don't get it right. It's very frustrating to her.

So about defining myself, the feedback I get from others plays a pretty big part in that. If someone tells me I'm wishy-washy, I hear that as constructive criticism and go from there. I'll do my best to not take it personally and get frustrated. It's important to me to get that feedback because that's the most important and effective way for me to improve myself.

How do I know if I'm a good communicator or not? If someone somehow indicates to me they got my point. How do I know if I'm attractive or not? If someone tells me so....

What do you think about that?

Is gaming harmful to prayer?

I was laying in bed last night and after attempting to pray, it occurred to me that my thoughts were jumping around all over the place and I was not able to focus on the prayer.

So my thoughts jumped to that thread and I wondered why. Why can't I focus on prayer right now? I had just read a section from Mike Macintosh's book "Falling in Love with Prayer" and I wasn't even able to pray!

A couple of reasons popped up. Maybe my heart wasn't right. Had I confessed what I needed to? Maybe I was just tired. But then another thing came to mind. Maybe my gaming habits were causing a problem?

Most video gaming forces you to shift focus on a continual basis. Especially the first-person shooters I enjoy. I did a little research. Hit livescience.com (which didn't help much), USA Today (which did have one good article), and a few others that either overwhelmed with "possible matches" or had nothing at all.

I'm 30 years old. I know I can still learn things, but I'm certainly not as malleable as I was as a kid. So do you think playing Gears of War 2 is affecting my concentration? Or is it something else? My work also forces me to multi-task and change focus a lot throughout a given day. That's just the nature of being a manager of more than one type of department.

I can concentrate. If I put my mind to it. And I can shift focus fairly well. But I have a very hard time dividing my attention. Meaning that I shouldn't really drive and talk on the cell phone at the same time. I certainly can't type and listen to someone at the same time. So having trouble praying when there's nothing else to occupy my attention is a little disturbing.

There are a few things I can do to improve concentration while praying. Not praying while laying in bed is one. Getting on your knees is more than just a show of humbleness, it's also a means to help focus. I should also try "winding down" a little sooner. My typical weeknight routine is to put the girls to bed, get the chores done, play Gears for an hour or so, take a shower and go to bed. I usually read a little and finish by praying. I plan on taking more time right before or after my shower to slow my brain down. (Tips for that would be great!) Praying throughout the day might be another way to get it done. Having a continuous open conversation with God has become very important to me lately, and when I'm successful at maintaining that throughout the day, it's a lot easier to focus when I can to set everything else aside and just pray. Of course, maintaining that conversation is another topic that could fill a couple posts...

So what do you do to focus when praying?

Pizza!

The only thing that my girls are very reliable at is eating cheese pizza. I'm happy to say that they actually eat the pizza I make.

But it has to be round and cut into triangles...

This is the recipe I use for the dough. "Mike's Homemade Pizza" from allrecipes.com. The only variation is that I add a tablespoon of honey. Sorry, but I use canned pizza sauce. Don't care to take the time to build a better sauce for kids that complain about the sauce anyway. I'll use about a pound of mozzarella and can get a large rectangle and a round pizza from that amount of dough. The girls plow through the round one in no time and there's usually a few pieces left over for later. If it's a good pizza, I'll polish off at least half the rectangle.

Toppings? Girls like plain cheese, I like pepperoni. I also like tomato and basil, but haven't made that in a long time. I'll have to make it next time.

Suggest your favorite toppings or better dough recipes!!

Intro...

Hello all. Welcome and thank you for visiting!

What's this blog about...? I don't really know yet. I have a few personal interests though none I would consider myself incredibly passionate or knowledgeable about. So how about I start with me?

Who am I?

I am the father of 3 beautiful, intelligent, and incredibly stubborn girls. (That's where the 3GirlKnight came from...not the stubborn part, just the 3 and the girl.) Ages 6, 4, & 2. I'd like to think I'm their knight. At least for a little while. Until there are more or some punk with a motorcycle and hair too long comes along and steals 'em.

I am a husband...at the moment. Lots to talk about there, but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't subject you all to the particulars. There's a lot I've learned recently that I will certainly share and hope you'll learn from, find interesting, help me learn more about, expand on, etc...

I am "the man". Well, "a" man. I manage a production facility. One that makes trusses to be exact. I'd like to think I'm fair, balanced, honest, and can lead, but I'm absolutely sure I could improve. I have between 15 and 35 people who report to me through any given year. Only 20 at the moment.

I do not consider myself a gamer, although I like to play video games. I like one or two genre's and when I pick up a game I like, that's pretty much all I play. Don't care much about gaming news, except when a new game in my favorite genre is coming. So don't expect to see any gaming news here. I will link to a few though.

I do not consider myself a musician, although I like listening to music, have some small musical ability, and can keep a tune in a bucket. I can play the piano and sing, but don't do much of either. (Don't expect to see anything about music here.)

I would consider myself a golfer. Not much ability, and don't get to play often, but I really enjoy it, am not too shabby, and hope my girls and I spend many a hour chasing that little white ball around. I'd like to develop my knowledge of the sport, so I might just share some of that here.

I like camping, riding motorcycles (don't have one right now), cooking (specifically barbequeing, which I will share some of here), and an assortment of other things that might pop up.

So here I am. by God's Good Grace is a blog about learning life's lessons, however big or small they might be.