ChopperPapa has been doing a series on Dating a Single Dad. While those posts are written for a woman, they've prompted me to think about dating and how a guy should present himself in the dating world and how I might present myself, when the time comes.
For the record, the thought of dating is still kinda freaking me out. I really have no desire to do that yet, but there are times I would like to have someone to cook and converse with. Sounds like a date to me...
Dating has always seemed like a long series of lies to me. My dating history has been less than stellar and being 'burned', so to speak, has greatly affected my attitude. The idea of doing something extra to create a persona, whether it be online or in real life, smells of dishonesty. You might be reading something of my bad attitude there.
Most of that bad attitude comes from experiences with my ex. While I completely admit to being somewhat oblivious during our courtship, I feel that her method for catching a man was not honest. Not that she consciously thought about hiding things, but her approach to anything negative or uncomfortable was not open. She thought she would make me angry, or even lose me if I wasn't anything but completely comfortable. At the least, that has taught me to be aware of that and how I can discourage anyone else from thinking that and encourage them to be open with me.
Something I've tried to be, as a manager at least, is compassionately honest. (As opposed to brutally honest.) Of course I still get angry and give voice to that anger sometimes, but for the most part I criticize with as positive a spin as possible.
I would think that being compassionately honest, especially about myself, is the only way to approach the dating world. But what is the reality? Are the ladies out there expecting guys to be honest about themselves? Are the guys expecting that from the ladies? Of course it's different for everyone, but as a whole, what is it really like?
Even with my plan of being honest, there are certain aspects of my personality that could probably use some ...shall we say... polishing, for the dating world. Passion is a big one. Or lack thereof. 'Dispassionate' doesn't sound too endearing, but according to Websters definition, it's pretty accurate; "Not affected by strong feeling."
Even drafting this post, I'm losing interest in even writing about dating. Probably a strong indication that I'm just not ready.
When I finally decided to date, I was also very apprehensive about that exact same thing... honesty! It made me very suspicious and cautious.
ReplyDeleteNot a bad thing. In fact, the reason I developed my bond with the man, was that he was honest and did not pretend anything. He is what he is. I also made it clear to the men I dated that I required honesty and would not be offended by the truth. I think that's about all you can do.
You will know when you are ready to date. I think you will find out that when you are ready, the passion will be there if it is right.
I assure you, there are honest women out there. Its great that you want to be compassionate about your honesty too. I rate those virtues very high.
I agree with Silly Rabbit...when you are ready to date, you'll know.
ReplyDeleteSeems to me there are two ways to date. 1)Casually, for an evening out, to meet new people...and that's about the extent of it.
2)Dating with the goal of finding a partner. Serious let's get to know one another dating.
I guess I'd say just make sure, first thing, that you are both on the same kind of date :) ...if you ever decided to date.
It's been said that dating is the most deceptive time in our lives. During it both parties are trying to prove they are something the aren't.
ReplyDeleterabbit - Glad to hear there are honest women :) Hope one finds me.
ReplyDeletelaura b - I'm seriously considering the casual thing now. I need to get out more.
CP - Exactly. Dangit.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYou, you'll know.
ReplyDeleteAnd I had to re-post my comment because I hit something that added in part of an email I'd been writing! Weird.