A warning: The following contains my blatant, uninhibited opinion. It is not directed at any individual. What I speak of comes from personal experience. If it offends you, that was not my intention, but I would encourage you to consider why it offended you.
A couple of times over the last few days, the subject of pornography has cropped up in an indirect manner. I've been thinking a bit more about my post concerning affairs and with that idea, I see a direct correlation with porn.
Comparing affairs and porn to fantasy is like comparing Wile E. Coyote to The Lord of the Rings.
Pornography and it's usage is pure fantasy. There is absolutely nothing real about it. It may be pictures of real people, but being just a snapshot of time, they are entirely removed from reality. With an affair, there is another real person involved, which inherently induces some sort of reality into the mix, no matter if the participants choose to acknowledge it or not.
I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it on this blog before, but I have a problem with porn. I would like to say that I had a problem (or never had, really) but no matter how many successes God gives me in refusing the temptation, it eventually crops up again. I believe it's because I'm a very fallible human. And a male one at that. Not that I'm using that as an excuse, but I'm guessing that it probably will not go away entirely until I find someone with whom I can develop a real relationship and replace those desires with that. A relationship as God intended it.
What I really want to talk about is how it seems to me that a lot of people have a hard time separating fantasy from reality, when it comes to pornography. I believe this because of the time or two I've run across blogs that are obviously of a pornographic nature, or even just mention the casual use of porn in one post, and then talk about a dissatisfaction of their sex life in the next.
Again, I'm not talking about any one individual. There are more than a few of these out there.
Now, I'm not saying that I was the exception. I'd like to think I didn't transfer unrealistic expectations from porn into my marriage bed, but it probably happened. There isn't anything specific I can point to, but I don't think it's possible to not transfer something. To what extent porn had on the dissolution of my marriage, I don't know. I know it wasn't punishment from God. He just doesn't work that way. But if I had to choose something, I would say that I expected my ex to feel the same way that the girls in the pictures seemed to feel.
Thinking about it now, it just seems silly. Thinking about it some more, it breaks my heart that marriages are failing because one or both parties bring the fantasy of pornography into the bedroom. At the least, it can let the participants separate themselves from their mate, even in just a mental sense, and at the worst, it creates unrealistic expectations.
I guess my point is....well, if you don't think pornography is a bad thing, just check yourself. Maybe you have a relationship that comfortably includes porn. If that's the case, would you be just as comfortable without it? Try removing it and see what happens. If you feel like you're missing something important, you probably are...but it ain't porn.
Again...all in my humble opinion.
My feeling is that pornography and how it affects someone is similar to alcohol or gambling and how they can affect someone.
ReplyDeleteFor example, some people can have a couple of beer socially and be fine. Some people can play a game of cards with friends and a fun wager and be fine. Some people can indulge in a bit of porn if they want and be fine.
Then you have the issues...which are not anyone's "fault" or some sort of moral weakness...but to be thought of more as a disease. My ex cannot have a couple of beers, because he is an alcoholic. Some people need to stay away from gambling, because they are addicted. Others need to avoid pornography, because it becomes an issue in their lives.
I guess my suggestion would be, if you know you have an issue or addiction, get help. Don't assume you are just weak.
And like you, 3GK, not talking to anyone specific.
AND...sorry this is so long.
3GK, you already well know my insight into this topic. For any interested they can go here: http://chopperpapa.com/?p=712 I will say this for men that struggle with this issue the ONLY way to move beyond it is to create a network of accountability partners. Fighting this addiction in the dark will never bring an end to it.
ReplyDeleteI am completely opposed to pornography. I think it alters people's expectations and view of what a normal body is and what normal sexual behavior is. No one can live up to the plasticized versions of people in porn. I think it is especially damaging to women, since men are the more frequent users. I would not stay with anyone who needed porn. If I'm not enough, they don't deserve me.
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